I had my first appointment yesterday. I had so much to say and I just brushed the surface. My therapists indicated that I created a 'false' self as a function of having been adopted. It tends to happen when you are separated from the original family and inserted into another. The natural reaction is to learn the culture and then mold the self to fit in. This becomes damaging when the new families traits are significantly different from the original family traits. I departed a long way from who I am naturally causing me to finally just break down.
A mentor of mine also explained it like this. I have unresolved feelings from the relinquishment and have buried them. It is like holding a beach ball (my repressed, unresolved emotions) underwater, for years. Until the pressure became too much and I let the ball go. That's how I have been living on an emotional level since I was an infant. burying the past, which I didn't understand, in order to function in the present.